Life: Unemployment

Unemployment sucks ass. I swear to God, I've never been so bored and frustrated in my life. If you don't know me, I thrive on being overwhelmingly busy. Like stuff going on 24/7 and I sleep in fits and breathe in gasps and that just makes sense to my brain and body.


Growing up I was a competitive gymnast for 10 years (ages 4 to 14). During the heyday of my career my schedule went something like this:

1. Wake up
2. Work out
3. Breakfast
4. School
5. Study during Break, Lunch, Homework instead of P.E.
6. Homework/Snack in the car on the way to the gym
7. Practice from 4:00pm-7:30, or 6:00-8:00pm
8. Dinner
9. Bed

That was 4 or 5 days a week and then on weekends, it was travelling and competing.

After quitting gymnastics, I jumped right into Theatre which carried my through high school.

At Auburn as a Theatre Performance major, my schedule was mostly this:

1. Wake up
2. Class
3. Class
4. Break=homework, catnap
5. Class
6. Class (ending at 5:00pm my senior semester 4 days a week)
7. Rehearsal from 6:30-10:00, or later depending on the director
8. Homework (papers, memorization, papers, scoring scripts, reading plays and on and on and on)
9. Sleep (usually around 2:00am)

Class 5 days a week and rehearsal 6 days a week, if you have a major role.

So that's what I'm used to. And even post-college, I had jobs and rehearsal or auditions of some kind to keep me hurtling through the days. But now.....

Look, I've never been fired from anything. Ever. Never ever ever. Until this one job in Auburn that was helping me pay my rent and not depend on my parents decided that my "personality" didn't "fit" with the restaurant. It would be very easy to get specific and bash the place and the horrid owners who fired me. I've done a lot of venting and I think posting anything too specific online would be to my detriment. That being said, I was fired without having any sort of warning or constructive criticism, so I was not given time to find a new job or given the opportunity to correct any dreadful flaws in my personality. I was just fired. And fucked over royally. Because of the timing of my termination, all of the students had gotten back to town and had plenty of time to scoop up all the available jobs, as they should. So, it's been incredibly difficult to find employment. I've had interviews, but no bites. And I've applied to countless places.

Lately, my days have been spent applying for jobs (which includes online applications, bro) and cleaning my house. Seriously. Until my friends get home from classes and if they aren't swamped with schoolwork. It wouldn't be so awful if I had some money to spend on paint or a cool rug or great food to cook and make an amazing dinner out of. But I'm absolutely broke. You never realize how lame a town can be until you literally have no funds. Everything everywhere costs money and it totally blows.

I feel like I'm whining. I feel like I've been whining for over a month now. And that sucks on a completely different level. Every day drags by right now. And it's uncomfortable. And I feel like a lazy asswipe. And I'm sooooooooooooo not used this. And of course, it's midterms for everyone in school. All of my friends and my boyfriend are in school, so I feel like a ghost this week already (it's Monday). Because everyone is absorbed in studying and passing their midterms.....and I'm jealous. Haha. I'd rather be worrying about getting something done on time or cramming information into my head than floating around in nothing at all. In a bizarre way I feel left out and I know I wouldn't feel so alone and disgruntled if I had a job. I don't feel like myself and it pisses me off; I hate being needy too. I hate waiting around like a puppy for people to get home and come play with me. I'm at the mercy of other people's time constraints, when all my life people have been at the mercy of mine. It is indeed a frustrating perspective and I wonder if people ever became very frustrated with me when I could never hang out or go to a sleep over or join a club or "party" because of those big, big things in my life.

I'll figure it out and I'll be fine very soon. I'm fine now, just bored. But. My mom gave my a twenty this weekend and I'll be damned if I don't go spend some of it on coffee and sanity right fucking now.  :)

Cheers.