Friday, October 7, 2011

Life: Vegetarian

Lately.....I hate to admit it, I really really do, but I've been craving turkey. A turkey sandwich from Jimmy John's to be exact. I feel terrible about it. I became a vegetarian almost a year ago and it has been the easiest thing in the world for me. I can't even imagine putting a chicken nugget in my mouth or eating ribs. I've always felt badly for eating animals because I can't even squash a bug without feeling guilty. I think even if a spider bit me and my arm was turning black and swelling up I would be yelling at the paramedics, "Don't kill it! Please don't kill it!" And that's just how I am. So it makes total sense for me to loooove being a vegetarian.


The story of how I became a vegetarian is quite funny, in my opinion. It goes like this:


Once upon a time, I was getting drunk. I was playing on a skateboard in the parking lot of my brother's apartment complex in the middle of the night and swinging around a bottle of Beringer White Zinfandel. I feel now that I must have been annoying some people who were gathered for the small party at Luke's because I was one of only 3 people outside. But that didn't cross my mind at the time because I was having too much fun to worry about social graces.


Then two good ol' Southern boys walked by and I yelled something at them along the lines of, "Hey!!! We're having a party in my brother's apartment! Want a sip of my wine?!" 


I let the skateboard roll towards the storm drain and decided not to share my wine, but I did tell them there was beer inside and that a few of the members of my brother's band (of whom they were fans) were inside. They were excited to meet Blame Sydney and I walked them to the apartment. We struck up a conversation about nothing really and I mentioned how much I loved the ducks at the pond in the apartment complex. Then, like assholes, the two start swapping stories and gloating about their cruel treatment of the ducks. One said that he threw a huge rock at a duck's head and hit it so hard it didn't kill the duck but gave it brain damage and it suffered until it died. They bragged about shooting the ducks and no one noticing.


I don't know if they were trying to impress me or what, but I was incensed. By the time I had opportunity to retaliate, however, we had reached the door of the apartment.
I opened it, waltzed in and announced, "This is Blame Sydney. Blame Sydney, these assholes kill ducks." Then I flicked off the whole room with both bird fingers and yelled, "SEE YA LATER DUCK-FUCKERS!!!" and left.


And that night, after cooling off a bit outside, I decided that it was hypocritical to get so upset about cruelty to animals--any animal--and then eat one that had probably lived a sad, unhealthy life. So, I declared myself a vegetarian and it has pretty much stuck. When I crave Jimmy John's I try to remember this story. And I'm honestly not sure I'll always abstain from turkey sandwiches in the future; if anything, at least the story makes me laugh.


-Becky

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